What is maintenance sex, and why could it be important to your relationship? Consider this, we have to do maintenance on our cars. We check the tire pressure, rotate the tires, get them balanced, change the oil, filters and do regular things.
These things cost us time and are sometimes expensive to do! But everyone understands they are essential to do, and do them on a regular basis because they make our cars last longer, functioning properly and most important keep it from breaking down.
Maintenance sex can be looked at similar. Sometimes sex is not the most convenient, or maybe we are not in the mood for sex, but to maintain a happy and healthy marriage it is important we have sexual intimacy.
Having sex just to have it because it is important to the relationship does not sound exciting, but just like the maintenance on your car, it is important for the long term health of your relationship to keep it “running smoothly.”
The movies make us believe that both spouses are always wanting sex and are in the mood at the same time. We are also told that we should only have sex when we are in the mood.
If we only had sex when we were in the mood, we would very seldom have sex! This is the whole purpose of flirting, foreplay and “getting” in the mood.
As we have shared in many articles and podcasts, there is almost always a high desire and low desire spouse, meaning one spouse wants to have sex and they other typically doesn’t and it is very rare for the stars to align with both couples wanting to have sex at the same times or have matching desires and styles.
The spouse with a higher desire must be realistic and the spouse with a lower desire must also be realistic. In this type of relationship couples need to talk about desire and frequency and about why “maintenance sex” may be good.
It is also important to note that we are talking about BOTH men and women. We get a ton of women contacting us saying that it is their husbands that are the low desire spouse and they crave that intimacy and connection with them.
NOTE: If this is the only time or way you are having sex, this is NOT healthy and NOT the way couples should function sexually. Maintenance sex should be something you do for the benefit of your relationship and should still be fulfilling to BOTH spouses.
We can’t stress enough that we are not implying you should have sex or the other spouse should push sex if you are not comfortable with it. MAINTENANCE SEX COULD BE GOOD TO CONSIDER FOR COUPLES THAT HAVE A GOOD AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
Again, we are just stating that sometimes it’s just great for couples to enjoy sexual intimacy “just because” they recognize it’s important.
In our relationship there are times I am not in the mood for sex, but if I am open to it, I can get in the mood and feel amazing afterwards. Maybe I go into it as “maintenance sex” at first, but after foreplay and getting in the mood I NEVER regret it afterwards 🙂
Regardless of whether it’s passionate spur of the moment sex, or maintenance sex, when both spouses are fulfilled, sexual intimacy builds a stronger physical and emotional connection together. Sex (making love) is the most physical and intimate thing a couple can do together.
This article might be controversial and that is ok :). If we truly want to make our marriages better, we need to be honest about where we are at and the things we can to do make each other happier. And for those who have a higher desire, sexual intimacy is vital for a happy and healthy marriage.
If you are a lower desire spouse that has a hard time “getting in the mood”, give maintenance sex a try once in a while and see if it helps your marriage.
If there are other barriers that are keeping you from experiencing “Ultimate Intimacy” together as a couple, check out our AMAZING Intimacy Workbook/Course. This workbook can get you talking and will help you identify and break down the barriers that are keeping you from having the sexual intimacy that you desire!